Dear Janice,

Congratulations on being selected for a professional critique. I really enjoyed reading your sample chapters of Deliverance, and instantly warmed to the main character of Rored. Overall, I don't think the material so far needs a huge amount of re-working, but what I hope to do in this critique is give you some useful pointers on how you can hone and develop the existing chapters, and what you need to pay attention to in particular as the story progresses.

Opening
I thought the opening paragraph was fantastic! It is both intriguing and enigmatic, and instantly made me want to read on. However, after such a strong opening, the scene quickly becomes very familiar and cosy. Yes, you want to set the scene and introduce the reader to the main character, but for me the story seemed to falter a little at this early point. After such a brilliant opening teaser at the start, I felt impatient for the main action and meat of the story to commence. You promise something quite unique and different with those opening lines, but then the ensuing scene doesn't quite pay dividends. You almost need a scene with the impact of Rored's soul recall of Fae to instantly hook the reader, as this section is perhaps even more of an insight into Rored's character than the first few pages.

Tone
Tone is a hard thing to master in a story, but I think you manage to strike just the right note in your opening pages. The magical elements and the domestic dramas are interwoven almost seamlessly. The scenes in Elsewhere can be quite poignant, particularly the scene with little Fae, when Rored manages to coax her back, to the relief of her distraught parents. And I think this emotional grativas really adds depth to your story, without becoming cloying or sentimental.
The synopsis also hints at a darker tone with the conflict between the Talebearers and the Storyshifters. As I mention in my notes on plot development, this element of the narrative holds potential for real drama and action, and could shift the story into a whole new gear.
From reading your synopsis, one thing I would say to bear in mind is that while this is essentially a tale of self-discovery and of the heroine realising both her strengths and her weaknesses, you should be careful not to become too moralistic and didactic. It is hard to judge what tone the story will adopt just from the three-page synopsis, but another thing to pay attention to is that as the story nears it end, the emotions of the characters remain real and true to the story, and don't veer into melodrama.

Characterisation
Rored is an instantly likeable character, but is still quite complex. I like the contradictions you set up in her: she is both working trade and well off (in that she is able to afford crystal and owns a skiff); she embraces some of the principles of the Story Shifters but she also rebels against their most important belief; she is close to her parents, yet hides her true self from them; and she is both fiercely independent yet also quite vulnerable. I found it interesting that while Rored can't become a Story Shifter because of her denial of their belief that you cannot save a person, she still possesses their magical abilities to travel to Elsewhere, and she is determined to prove her parents wrong.
I particularly liked the scene in the broom closet with Rored's parents – not only does this give the reader a better sense of their characters, it gives an interesting edge to the story that the reader is aware of information that the main character isn't.
Characterisation is clearly one of your strengths. You quickly capture the essence of a character in just a few short paragraphs, so that even the most ancillary of characters are vividly painted. Even from just reading your synopsis, I already get a sense of what the other characters will be like.

Setting
The landscape seems at once both familiar and alien, and you manage to neither alienate the reader, nor allow them to become too comfortable. Elsewhere seems both ethereal and tangible and the scene where Rored loses her face whilst looking for Fae was wonderfully descriptive and atmospheric. It felt like being trapped in a surreal nightmare with the protagonist.
More could be made of the setting in certain scenes, such as the description of Rored's house when she returns, but this is only a minor point.

Structure and Plot Development
As I mention in my notes on the opening of the story, the narrative becomes quite safe and familiar a little too early on. With fantasy, you have the scope to be truly imaginative and push the boundaries, and it is crucial to pique the reader's interest from the get-go. Whilst the plot never becomes pedestrian, it does sometimes stray into the everyday, which is at odds with the overall tone of the novel. You need to find that balance between bowling the reader over, yet not overloading their senses, which I am more than confident you will be able to do. You seem extremely capable of reining in the emotion and drama of a scene, without diluting its emotional impact.
It's always difficult to gauge a sense of where a story is going just from its opening pages, but I can see from your detailed synopsis that the story is clearly mapped out in your head. Rored's self-discovery and recognition of what a Story Shifter can and can't achieve seems to be the main dramatic thrust of the narrative. Her romance with Sacoh will also add another element to the story and will further test Rored's beliefs and principles. From your synopsis, it is clear that Sacoh will initially infuriate Rored, placing them at odds with one another, and this situation actually opens up the possibility of some comic relief in the narrative, with the classic will-they-won't-they scenario. Whether you want to go down this route is entirely up to you; romantic tension between the pair would be equally as viable.
The narrative strand that focuses on the age-old conflict between the Story Shifters and the Talebearers, whose core beliefs clash, will again add another dimension to your story, and place Rored in the centre of this drama. It is important to give the reader a sense of just how ingrained this conflict is between the two, and just how deep-seated the beliefs are that Rored is up against.
The section where Rored takes delivery of a box for Viyanel seems like it has real dramatic potential – heightened drama and action, with the protagonist placed in very real danger, whilst also highlighting how dangerous the conflict between the Talebearers and Story Shifters are, and subsequently how Rored is putting herself at even greater risk by putting herself in the centre of this dispute.

Genre/Market
Deliverance is very clearly a fantasy novel, and one that will probably appeal more to female readers than to male readers, not only due to the fact that the protagonist is female, but also owing to the stylistic qualities of it.

Conclusion
I hope these notes have been helpful to you. As I have already said, the material is in very good shape and I really enjoyed reading it. Hopefully with a little more development and polishing, it will really jump off the page. I wish you the very best of luck in making that happen.

Best wishes
Natalie Braine